While waiting for my website to be uploaded and run smoothly, I allow my thoughts to run across on Facebook. Yes, there are lot of background work with my co-Director, Bunny. Picking the best photos, editing, grammar checking and uploading to my website is quite a task. Previously I thought it was as easy as “Ice Kacang”. Then after going through the process… My head grew bigger than the ball.. Numbing before I sleep. Hahaha
So come back to my Story line… AnnaBelle or AnneBola.. Yes, it is about being myself with my true essence. The day when I was born, my parents love to doll me up to their liking and molding me into their expectations.
During the growing years, meeting teachers, friends and acquaintances injecting newer expectations into me. Back then, I thought it was normal as we live in the society, we were being taught how to be fit in.. Like a Tetris.. Fitting into the hole. When I did fitting into that hole, I was disappearing like the game.. TETRIS.. loosing myself into thin air. Hello… Waving.. Do you see me? Yuhoo.. I am here but no one noticing. Sad.
If I am able to voice out how I felt, I may ask my parents that, “Mummy, Daddy.. Am I made by the factory of Mattel as Barbie Doll? Because I am always doll up to the society standard. When that happened, I am always being outcast each time I am made to their liking. Then they start to look for another brand of dolls such as Hello Kitty by Sanrio. Why can’t I be my own brand?” So I did not been given chances to voice out. I went along with it and becoming AnnaBelle doll.
Stepping into the corporate world..
The games begin, the struggles to be myself and to others expectations is eating me up alive. I became like the rest… The AnnaBelle … Pretty face, but devil in the heart due to the discord from my original self. The more I was shaped into their expectations, the lesser happiness and harmony I felt.
Slowly from the old version of AnnaBelle turns into newer AnneBola.. The weirdest version of a doll. DARK MODE.. Offensive and aggressive. There are thousands layered of false self characters being laying like the onion. Stink and sticky.. My heart produces sulfuric gas and stink anyone that comes near me. At the end, I was all alone.. So lonely..
This what happens to the society. The false mask covered their true self like an onion. They are easily being offended. They want to fight for their rights, but they are lost in their own battle. They always felt everyone after for their gold and sucking out their energy. When this happened, they hide themselves so deep into their cave and searching for escapism.
Is never easy to fit into the society, please do not fit into the standard level of society. It may leave you in a deep shit world.
Dear darlings, wake up now to your true self.. When you are more into your true self.. You will be more grounded and able to bring more harmony and happiness into your life. I knew it was hard, but never to late to purge all your past expectations. Love yourself first before loving others.
I was AnnaBelle then AnneBola but now I am Alicia. I am truly happy with myself.. I am my own brand. Love me or leave me because I knew I am worth it.